As a frequent purveyor and fan of both garbage and the artiest art films alike, I feel very comfortable acknowledging that some movies are the fast-food equivalent of cinema. Movies like Scary Movie taste great, but in, like, an oily, nasty kind of way. We all consume them from time to time, and there’s bound to be something here that will meet your taste. But they’re still garbage. Garbage that’s bad for both the palette and your brain cells.
When I was twelve years old, I read movie reviews religiously, and I remember reading lines like “this film has nothing to say” and wondering what in the world that meant. How can a comedy “say” anything, I thought? The answer is that I was twelve years old, and the cinematic equivalent of jangling keys would keep me grinning ear to ear. Anyone reading this review knows what satire is, but I’m still not sure the Wayans do. What’s this movie critiquing? “Tropes?” The whole thing is nothing but tropes (and jokes) from the original films rehashed over and over.
It sucks because when there’s actual satire in Scary Movie, not exactly clever but cleverer than the rest of the film, it makes all the sex gags and pop culture references bearable. The extremely crass therapy scene, of all things, is actually kind of smart: imagine an It Follows sequel from the perspective of one of the characters’ kids. The ending is similar, as Cindy (Anna Faris, carrying hard as usual) ties her own daughter up and sets her aflame to avoid having the “final girl” title stolen. It’s a stupid but fun twist, one still characteristically unhinged.
Also see how a poster on the wall starts screaming when it’s stabbed, or how Ghostface’s mask changes expressions to reflect being high or intoxicated. That’s absolutely funny as hell. Whenever the humor is leaning more towards the absurd rather than gross-out or shock, it’s good stuff—that just doesn’t happen often. The Wayans and director Michael Tiddes are mostly content to recycle the same old tired callbacks, which now include memes (“I’m not gay no more!”), and of course, lots and lots of dildos.
The biggest issue is that this film has no reason to reference Ballerina, One Battle After Another, or K-Pop Demon Hunters. I can’t remember where I read this, but whoever first observed that 2026 is the perfect time for the franchise to return by sending up “elevated” horror like A24 and Neon was dead on. That approach would result in plenty of fresh material, and it’d be a fresh angle—but I suppose that’d require some actual time spent on the script. Riffing on Sinners and Terrifier and Smile, along with anything else relatively recent and popular, just feels random and lazy. It’s a good reminder that parodies died because they were godawful, not because they aren’t funny or can’t work. You know you’re in trouble when you wish something as legible and focused as Superhero Movie would come out today.
Look, I still chuckled here and there, and the ending was fun, but this is trash. Scary Movie is a big, greasy cheeseburger served extra greasy, but you probably knew that going in. If you’re still expecting something different after 25 years and five movies, the joke is on you. 6-10-26
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