story over thought

Are you a fan of people blasting color-coded rays out of their hands? Do you enjoy watching characters monologue about the single thing that motivates them? Was the first Mortal Kombat not gory enough? Buddy, do I have a movie for you.

Liu Kang and the gang are back in Mortal Kombat II, a sequel to the 2021 film, which was a reboot of the ’90s films, all adaptations of the famous video games. I don’t actually think it’s possible to watch this film and not realize it’s based on a game. Even if you didn’t know this was a franchise, and even if the arcade music and general aesthetic didn’t tip you off, the plot point of two combatants who only ever have a single change of clothes being conveniently transported to an arena equipped with the deadliest weapons possible just screams something you played as a kid—or something your dad did. This is a martial arts movie with robot arms, zombies, and a guy who shouldn’t even be able to talk because he has six rows of teeth and no lips, for crying out loud.

The plot, if you care: the Mortal Kombatants have lost nine tournaments in a row, which means one more loss and the earth will blow up, or something. To make matters worse, the evil Shao Khan is cheating; he’s gotten his hands on a magical stone that makes him immortal, virtually guaranteeing Earth’s destruction. Thank God embittered action hero Johnny Cage (Karl Urban) is summoned by Lord Raiden to fight for Earth in the upcoming battle. Never mind the fact that this dude hasn’t competed in actual martial arts tournaments in twenty+ years, or that he fights in a leather jacket and sunglasses, neither of which seems particularly helpful when trying to perform a spinning wheel kick—he’s got charisma! He’s got style!

There’s a version of Mortal Kombat II that is just as self-aware as the in-film Johnny Cage flick, and I think I would have preferred that one. During the fight with Baraka, the movie really hits its stride, with Cage doing insane capoeira out of nowhere and Urban getting to play up the movie star machismo. Cage’s whole arc is about embracing his persona even if people think he’s old and washed up (“Nowadays people want to see Keanu Reeves killing a million people with a pencil!”) , but also about taking himself less seriously, so one would think the film would do the same.

But besides gleefully brutalizing the previous film’s unpopular protagonist, Mortal Kombat II is mostly an ode to a different kind of ’80s trash: ultra-cheesy, ultra-violent, but also ultra-melodramatic. Trying to wade through wave after wave of cringeworthy dialogue and shameless attempts at sentimentality makes one wish they could save their progress and come back later. The concept is just too silly, I fear, for me to care whether the amulet of good and evil will fall into the wrong hands, or if Raiden will survive having his throat slit by a flying hat. The Kitana revenge plot, especially, feels stupid when the gods are choosing the fictional equivalent of Chuck Norris to defend the universe. Also, Liu Kang turns into the Phoenix…? I only played a couple of these games, I’ll admit.

Even though I can’t really remember whether the first film was any good (and I saw it in theaters on opening night!), I do miss that film’s grit. Fans certainly didn’t jive with Lewis Tan’s MMA fighter audience surrogate, but veering so hard into schlock feels like an overcorrection. Shouldn’t an ’80s throwback remind us why that era was cool, at the end of the day? Shouldn’t these characters actually have character? Shouldn’t the lore feel weird and intriguing instead of dull and stupid? Shouldn’t there be, I don’t know, stakes? Director Simon McQuoid handles the action scenes well, but he seems eager to convince you that his first entry was a mistake. Despite the obvious good intentions, the whole thing feels uninspired.

Still, some of the nonstop action is fun, and whenever the humor kicked in, I found myself having a good time. I don’t know if Mortal Kombat II is worth a watch for most people, but I do know most people will watch it. Let’s try to find a balance in the third. In this house, Cole Young was a damn hero. 5-11-26